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Long vent about husband; skip if you want :)

November 13th, 2017 at 09:30 am

Deep Sigh.

I've come to a point of pure frustration with my husband. We have a good marriage. I love him. He loves me. He's just been annoying the heck out of me lately.

I consider myself a go-getter. If there is something that needs to be done, I do it... and not put it off, complain, or drag my feet.

Dear ol' hubby is another story. He complains about how he doesn't like to go to work each day. He's constantly late in the mornings because he drags himself around. He stays up SO LATE each night and finds himself struggling to stay awake during the day. He knows that he's addicted to sugar. But, yet, he snorts down Mt. Dew all freakin' day...and cookies and candies, etc. He knows he needs to exercise more but instead he complains about it and then just sits down to watch a movie (he loves watching movies). He gets so wrapped up in his "hobby of the month" that it encompasses his entire life until he finds another fixation to replace it with. Last month, it was with collecting everything Transformers. This month, it is with collecting everything LEGO mini-figs. I've come to accept his nuances and work around it all but lately, it's been really bothering me.

He suffers from general anxiety disorder so I have to be super delicate on what I say and how I say things to him. Again, I do love him and don't want to be a "nag" but gosh, darn it. Sometimes, it gets to be too much.

I'm over here getting up super early each day to workout, clean up the house, and get his lunch and everything ready for him. I work all day and don't complain. I come home, fix dinner, and work on my side hustle (online selling) that helps us with our household finances. Sure, I get tired sometimes but things have to get done so I do it.


Lately, I've been feeling like he's super lazy. He even took the day off work today after a long holiday weekend just to wait for the UPS truck to deliver his latest purchase that requires a signature.

Our master bedroom and bath have been in demolition mode for over 3 years now. He won't let me hire it out because of the cost. He's more than capable of finishing the job. BUT, he JUST can't seem to get the motivation to do anything about it.

He hit a car this past weekend. He says the other driver swerved into his lane causing him to hit it. No one called the cops. The damage is quite severe on our car so we have to get it fixed. I called this morning to file the claim on our insurance.

I called him at noon today and he was still asleep!

I asked if he could take the car into the shop since he's "off" today but he said he couldn't because he didn't know when the UPS delivery would show up. He also said he couldn't plan on picking up our daughter from school if the delivery hadn't come yet. So, I have to make the time during my work day to go back home to get the car and take it in for an estimate and to also possibly pick up our daughter from school.

So, he's absolutely doing nothing today staying at home. He's not going to have dinner ready for me. He's not going to do any laundry or work on the bedroom project. He's just going to sit and watch movies until his package gets delivered.

If I say anything, then I'm the naggy wife. He says he should be able to take a day off work at times. I'm not saying he can't take a day off when he needs to but I'm just a little fed up with his constant state of laziness.

Sorry, I had to vent. I have no else in real life that I can share any of this with. He's a good guy. He loves his family. I just have to keep telling myself this....... sigh.

14 Responses to “Long vent about husband; skip if you want :)”

  1. snafu Says:

    While SA seems a safe place to vent, I wonder if there are better options to find solutions for the issues that are testing your sense of 'fairness.' Does DH have performance issues at work? Was there a medical/psychological diagnosis of Anxiety Disorder? Is he on medication?

    His penchant for procrastination is causing rifts, therefore the conundrum. Would you consider. talking to a counsellor about how to live with a procrastinator?

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) You aren't the only one who could say these things about their husband. I've had a good friend who had a husband who sounds similar. He was recently diagnosed with major depression. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. I suggest he see a doctor to check on his current state of health. And counseling separately and together may be a very good idea.

  3. all4money Says:

    Thanks, guys. He has been struggling with anxiety for over 20 years now. He manages it fairly well but does get panic attacks at times. He was hospitalized a couple of years ago for a severe anxiety attack and so yes, he has been medically diagnosed and is on medication. It's just hard to be the spouse of someone that has a mental illness. I never know what or how to say things. He doesn't feel we need counseling but maybe it's something I should do on my own for my own sanity?

  4. Laura S. Says:

    I was going through similar with my DH. We are separated and are divorcing. Funny thing is now we get along as friends. Depression was and is playing a big part with my DH. I got counseling for myself and it has helped. I definitely would address it sooner rather than later for your own sanity.

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    ((hugs)) That sounds really hard on you, and I felt very sad for your husband reading this. It does sound like depression to me, which means he's probably not even really enjoying all this downtime. I don't have much experience dealing with mental illness, at least not with someone I lived with and shared a life with but I'm wishing you well and hoping you find a way to cope if he won't seek more help.

  6. Wink Says:

    My sister's husband is bipolar. He had no interest in couples counseling so she decided to go to counseling for herself and it was very helpful. She learned new coping strategies, and different ways of communicating with him. It took some time, and things aren't perfect but much improved and she is much happier. I hope things get better for you.

  7. Out of the Dark Says:

    Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

  8. Amber Says:

    Sending hugs 🤗. Though I'm not married, I've experienced the exact same thing with my fisn, his procrastination drives me nuts. Though he'll go to work, because his mother benefits from this business, everything is tomorrow. One reason why I haven't set a date to get married.
    I'd say try having a conversation

  9. PatientSaver Says:

    You have my sympathies. You definitely need some help. As others have said, anxiety and depression go hand in hand; it doesn't sound like the medication he's on is really working because he is still listless and doing nothing. You are very hardworking and very efficient in getting things done. (Sounds like me.) However, in this situation, it almost seems like you are "enabling" him to continue doing nothing to help you becus he knows you will swoop in and do what he won't.

    If it were me, I would arrange to have the bathroom done, whether or not he agrees. If he wants to have a say in it, he needs to be an active participant, not a bystander. Obviously your daughter needs to be picked up from school, but I would look for other activities where you can intentionally "drop the ball" to send the signal you won't be picking up the pieces for him anymore. If he asks why you haven't done the laundry, tell him you've been too busy and he needs to help.

  10. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Oh boy do I hear you. In so many aspects. I hope things get better.

  11. Thrifty Ray Says:

    On top of the things already mentioned, all that sugar is also not his friend. It is likely perpetuating the rollercoaster of highs and lows he experiences...not to mention the long term problems, such as diabetes.

    I agree with others who recommend counseling for yourself- you need the appropriate tools in your toolbox so that you don't burn out. Frown


  12. LuckyRobin Says:

    It sounds like a change in medication is in order. It can work for years and then stop. And the person taking it may not even be aware of it, but everyone else knows something is off. Sometimes the person even knows they are off, but is helpless to do anything about it because there is a wall that is preventing them from moving past listlessness. Then again, it could just be laziness or selfishness on his part, too, with anxiety being the excuse. I have seen it both ways in my daughter, that sometimes it is the anxiety and sometimes it is not wanting to do anything so she uses the anxiety as her excuse. What is most frustrating to me is that I can't always tell the difference. So I understand what you are going through, sort of, and I sympathize so much.

  13. pjmama Says:

    Depression and anxiety are such difficult illnesses to cope with in a loved one. Though we want to be supportive and demonstrate our willingness to give them space to just be who they are, it's endlessly frustrating at times. Vent away! I agree with several other commenters - may be time for a change of medication on his end, and certainly getting you into therapy would at least help with your ability to handle it. I hope things lighten soon regardless, but if not more information and a release valve is essential for getting through the rough patches. Thinking of you!

  14. Wisenonymous Says:

    About your husband being lazy and having that room in your house all messed up 3 years, not wanting to let anybody else handle it but not willing to handle it himself: you need to get that boy on some act right and off them Legos, first of all those are for kids and second of all that's probably where all your money is going unbeknownst to you, I am an eBay seller also and I just sold a Lego set for over $1000, probably to some grown ass man who ought should be doing something better with his time. I know you people on the internet are going to think I'm all kinds of messed for saying this but one* answer to this 'amotivational syndrome' of his is to smoke a little bit of crystal meth, I know you are all mouths gaping open in shock and outrage right now, brains forming all kinds replies about how that's the worst idea ever and I must be evil, but the proper amount won't hurt you and that room will be ready for HGTV before the weekend, and the rest of the house will be spotless and organized, not to mention he might say 'WTF am I doing playing with Legos, my wife has titties and they're soft and way more fun to play with than multicolored plastic bricks' and then you'll have that good good lovemaking where you fall asleep right after and wake up 6 hours later still naked with the sheets all over the room. Anyway it's just a suggestion, like I said that is one* solution and it may ssnot be the best one for you. Don't dismiss it so quickly though, I've been a casual user for 15 years, have a college degree, all of my teeth, and very successful small business which I've worked hard for, focused on, hustled hard, and is paying off even better than intented. I'm out, please everyone save your hate because I'm way above it. Love life.

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